Decisions about my treatment

In the second appointment I had to give them my actual tumor which my husband brought with him from Dubai. They told me I needed to have the Oncotype DX test performed after which they would have a better understanding of a suitable treatment for me. The test would take two long weeks.

Oncotyping helps doctors understand the risk of recurrence and how a particular cancer will respond to different forms of treatment. After two weeks my Oncotype DX test came back with a lower risk of recurrence. Because it came back lower risk, I became a candidate for a clinical trial for women with 1-3 positive lymph nodes and a tumor <2cm. My results indicated that I was a candidate to have hormone treatment and radiation only to help researchers understand if this is a suitable alternative to chemotherapy in similar patients. However, the initial research is very new and does not have enough data for women my age.

That same day I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner (Kim) to review what to expect about chemotherapy. She mentioned hair loss, sickness, nausea, aches and many other risks and side effects of the treatment. She said some people feel all side effects, some people feel a few, and some others feel nothing. She gave me a packet of articles for me to review. 

Doctor Parker came into the room after Kim left. Dr. Parker was comfortable for me to decide what was best for me given all the information she gave me but mainly because of my younger age and my plan to live many many more years, her ultimate recommendation again was for me to start with chemotherapy. She said that her opinion was to have chemo, radiation and hormone therapy. She also said, that she was ok if I decided not to do Chemo and just do the hormone therapy and radiation and that might be ok. She said the only thing I want you to think about is that if in 10 years down the line anything was to come back, I don't want you to feel like you did not do everything in your power to treat yourself the first time when you are young and strong.

So right at that moment when I looked into her eyes, my husband’s and my dad’s eyes I knew I would have to do the Chemo. It is pretty overwhelming to know that you have to put all these medicines in your body. Specially because I have been an individual that rarely takes any medicines and been so healthy my whole life. It actually sucks big time!!! :( but I think I have to see these medicines in a friendly way and be thankful for all the advances in medicine. Be thankful that I was able to meet one of the best doctors in California, thankful about my wonderful insurance and lastly about my not so bad condition. I know I sound positive and optimistic…this is who I am, however it does not mean that I am not suffering as well. I have very emotional moments and sometimes I feel like I don't cry enough because I feel awkward crying around people so I always cry by myself. The other day I was going through an emotional moment and my husband walked in the room. He saw me and just held my hand and cuddled me. It felt nice but at the same time I felt like I had stop because he was there. I need to learn to cry any time I feel like it, even if I am in front of the whole world…I think it is healthier this way.

So this is where I am at right now…It has not been easy but I know I will defeat this beast no matter what and I will try my best to stay healthy and exercise as much as I can. Exercise by the way has been proven by research to be a significant variable in the success of treatment, reduction of side-effects, and overall survival rates of cancer patients. 

I will make the best of this experience….I am not going to let it defeat me, I still have a lot of life ahead of me and a wonderful husband whom I love with all my heart. My beautiful boys who make my days more amazing even during tough times and my amazing family and great friends who have been angels on earth.

Before i start my treatment next week, my husband Matt and I decided to take a short trip alone to Los Cabos Mexico where we are staying in an amazing hotel called the One and Only Palmilla. It is absolutely beautiful here and the people are so kind. My husband asked me when was the last time we spent a few days alone together and i honestly could not remember. We have amazing views from our room and we are living our love to the fullest while preparing ourselves for the journey ahead.