Difficult Times

Got back from my trip which was AMAZING really one of the best trips I have done with my husband in a long time. We really enjoyed every single minute. I was ready for my appointment on the next day.. sad that my trip had ended but glad I had the opportunity to do it and decompress before starting chemotherapy. 

The first step was to confirm the treatment plan with my Doctor. There were 2 different chemotherapy options and I ended up choosing a “regimen” of Taxotere (Generic Name Docetaxel) and Cytoxan (Generic Name Cyclophosphamide), which was to be taken 4 times in 3 week intervals. But what is chemotherapy and how does it work? Chemotherapy is a process where disease is treated through the use of chemical substances, particularly cancer by cytotoxic and other drugs. These drugs are often given to the patient through IV / infusion over the course of few hours. 

Just to give you a brief description of the medicines and how they work. Taxotere comes from a class of chemotherapy drugs called plant alkaloids and is made from the bark of the Pacific Yew tree. Cytoxan is classified as an alkylating agent and believe it or not is a derivative of mustard gas! Both generally work by damaging the DNA or RNA that tells the cell how to divide. If the cells are unable to divide, they die. Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells, and will kill all cells that are rapidly dividing. This is the main reason why chemotherapy comes with some serious side effects, physical and cosmetic, like mouth sores or hair loss.

Before my treatment I had to take steroid medications…and oh boy let me tell you these were the worst!! I became so hyper, moody and hungry!! I went running non stop 25 minutes with my headphones, then I walked another 30 minutes at a fast pace…and I was still not able to calm myself down. I did not sleep well the night before, I think it was a combination of the steroids and anticipation about my treatment. Doctor Parker also prescribed me medicine for anxiety but I didn’t take it every 4 hours as she had instructed and I only took it before I slept.  

The next morning at about 7am before going to my Chemo I went down to the beach and did a relaxing meditation, I prayed, cried, and when I came back I took the kitchen scissors and told my husband to cut my hair. He looked at me and said are you sure..and I said, absolutely. Please cut it off. I cut it off right under my ears. I feel like I need to take control of some of the effects before they take  control over me. After that I went and got ready for this next step in my journey.

We got to the infusion center at Moores Cancer Center and the first thing they did was withdraw blood to check the metabolic panel. This will be a routine before every treatment and I have gotten very used to having my arms checked to see if i have “good veins”. I had to wait for an hour for the results and to be honest I was pretty calm. I spoke to a few of my relatives and friends and I was ok. One of my friends gave me a ready pack for my chemo session which was a beautiful tote bag with a blanket, a diary, a cup for hot drinks, cup for cold drinks and of course a set of beautiful shades of lip gloss…every girl needs to feel pretty at all times right??

Well the time came, I went to my reclinable chair which was pretty comfortable, they gave me a pillow for my back, I had my cozy blanket thank God as it was cold in there. All I could see were smiley faces the nurses at this center have the best attitude and have a lot of compassion for all the patients. One thing I noticed was that the patients that day were older ..50+ or 60+..Most of them had lost their hair, some of them still had some hair, some of them it looked that it was growing back. Strangely everyone looked happy. The Chemo itself was not a big deal that day, I did not feel anything at all..it was like having saline water entering my body. I was able to eat a salad while having the chemo. I finished my treatment and I went home and did some cleaning and my usual walk. 

Now the difficult part starts here. After the treatment they gave me a shot (Neulasta) and it is used to stimulate the growth of healthy white blood cells in the bone marrow, once chemotherapy is given. White blood cells help the body to fight infection. This is not a chemotherapy drug and it is given 24 hours post treatment. The first two days after both procedures I felt ok, just a bit tired and confused. I thought wow I can do this. After a couple of days though, Oh my Gosh…I felt so achy. Imagine, feeling like you are getting a really bad flu every day and that your body aches and you feel constant body pain. This is what I felt. Then it got worse in my lower back I started to have lower back pain exactly the same as back labor pain but with no breaks. It was terrible, so bad I was crying because of the pain and then I got a fever at which point we followed the hospital’s instructions and called the emergency department.

When you have Chemotherapy treatment your immune system and your bodies ability to fight infection drop dramatically. They warn you about fever because in this state it can be life threatening. I was instructed to call the hospital if I got a fever of 100.3 F or more. My fever was 101 F so when I arrived to the emergency room they took me in immediately. They started an IV with antibiotics because of fear of infection and checked my blood cell counts. My husband slept on the floor next to me that night because they did not have extra beds in the emergency room. I learned later that my white blood cells, which are those that fight infection, had dropped extremely low and that I was classified as “neutroponic” which meant that I had to be isolated from almost anyone and that myself and anyone treating me had to wear a mask to prevent risk of infection.

After the second night in the hospital my white blood cells count increased and I immediately felt better. I went down to the hospital lounge and got some tea and went for a relaxing walk to stretch my legs. I was ok to leave that day fortunately :) and after this event I have been feeling better everyday. I focus on exercising and eating healthy every day, the only thing I dislike is that I still have to take pain medicine because I still feel body aches everyday which can get uncomfortable if I do not take the medication.  

Other symptoms: I am constantly thirsty and need to have ice water all the time. What is funny about this is that I used to love room temperature water and now with the chemo warm water tastes terrible. Also I constantly have a metal taste in my mouth. Other symptoms include dryness in several parts of my body, my hair is beginning to look dull and its falling more than normal :( this is very upsetting but at the same time I knew it would happen so I am prepared. I cannot eat spicy food and I used to eat it all the time. What happens with chemo as well is that it kills all the bacteria and enzymes in your body so spicy food can be very harsh. I used to love coffee and black tea and now I cannot drink either….my taste buds just can’t handle the taste. I am lucky I did not have much nausea and I did not throw up at all thank God.   

Overall I am very lucky, even though its been hard at times, I always focus in the positive aspects of my journey. I am extremely grateful for all the support of my family and friends specially my beautiful mom and amazing husband.

I want to dedicate this blog to the love of my life Matt Ayoub. Bear, I love you so much, I am so lucky to have you as my husband. I always knew you were an amazing man but you have showed me real love in this journey and I am grateful to God for sending me such an amazing incredible, smart, handsome, compassionate, humble, hard working, great dad, the list is endless I love you with all my heart for ever. I would not be able to do this without you my love.

Lastly but not least please remember to check yourself!! Mammograms alone are not enough and no one knows your body better than you. When I did my mammogram my tumor did not show and when I asked the doctors here in the states they told me that sometimes its hard to see it in a mammogram. Be safe and stay healthy and fit to prevent any zombie attacks :))