Statistics say that one of eight women in this room will get breast cancer during their lifetime.
Imagine waking up and getting in the shower and suddenly you feel a lump, a very small lump the size of a lentil and you think oh its nothing, it is probably a milk duct or just breast tissue. Well, this happened to me.
I made an appointment right away, when the doctor saw it, she said: Don't worry this is nothing to be concerned about and she sent me for an ultrasound. Five days later, I got my results and she told me everything was fine and to check back in six months. Six months passed and i went in again… same results…. nothing to worry about come back in six months.
Third ultrasound came around this time I had it with a mammogram, The lump looked different in the ultrasound but the mammogram did not detect my lump. Because my lump had changed in the results of the ultrasound, this time I had to do a needle biopsy which also came back negative.
At this point, a voice inside of me did not like the feeling of having this small lump in my breast. I could feel it growing and something just did not feel right. My father-in-law told me i should just remove it. So I decided to get a second opinion and requested for the surgical removal of the actual lump at City Hospital in Dubai in May of 2015. I was not worried as I was sure it was nothing but still wanted to remove it just in case.
The surgery went fine and i started to make plans for our summer vacation. I felt free and happy, not a care in the world. I planned a day trip to Dubai to get the results of the biopsy and do some shopping for my family in Mexico. I made the big mistake of going alone to see my doctor as he had the worst news for me. Imagine being alone in a cold room with your doctor telling you: “you have invasive carcinoma” it seemed like a bad joke but it was not, this was serious and I bursted in tears like a terrified little girl.
Two years and a half ago I was devastated and thought “oh my God I am going to die” “My life is over” my doctor assured me I was going to be ok but at that moment I was extremely scared.
Lesson # 1: Do not ignore the changes in your body.
Because I heard what I wanted to hear, I ignored my inner voice, I waited a whole year, with this thing inside of me without knowing it was cancer. I was not worried because I thought I would never get cancer. I mean I been a healthy eater my whole life. I been a fitness instructor since I am 17 years and never stopped exercise, I had no family history of breast cancer and my age was considered young for getting breast cancer.
Lesson #2: Check yourself and take action.
I went to my car and called my husband about 20 times, he was in dubai at a conference and he was doing a speech so of course he did not answer. Then I called a friend and bursted in tears, she was trying to give me comfort but I really needed a hug. I wanted someone to hug me and say everything will be ok. Finally my husband calls back and finds out what happened. He came to see me right away. And this is how my journey begins…….
After four very difficult weeks in Abu Dhabi with an additional surgery called a lumpectomy, my doctor found a positive lymph node. This meant that the cancer had gone farther than my breast and was now in the lymph nodes under my arm. This meant I would need chemotherapy. This is when I realized this was the real deal. I had breast cancer and oddly enough one of my biggest fears was to lose my hair. My doctor assured me I was going to be ok but I was so scared of having to go through chemotherapy and had no idea what to expect.
My husband and I decided to have my treatment in San Diego California in Moores cancer center at the University of California.This decision had the price of leaving my two oldest sons and my husband in Abu Dhabi because of school and work for more than a year. My lovely mom agreed to stay with me and my baby in San Diego.
I was very lucky to work with an amazing doctor who was really tough but who saved my life without taking any shortcuts. She told me, you are very young and I want to make sure this does not happen to you again and then she told me the plan…First step was to have chemotherapy because of the cancer was already in my lymph nodes she wanted to make sure to kill any cancerous cells in my body.
She told me you will loose your hair for sure but you will get it back, she said the side effects may make you feel very ill and you may not be as active as you are used to. I had two choices, sit down and cry and let my self feel ill or I had the choice to be positive and do the best I could. When we are in situations like this where we get diagnosed with a disease we underestimate how powerful we are, when I was listening to her warnings about me not feeling good right away that voice inside of me told me you will be ok and I stayed with that thought.
Lesson # 3: We are stronger than we can possibly imagine. Believe in yourself.
Yes I did feel ill and yes my hair fell after 10 days of my first chemo but I was able to still exercise and do what I love. The first 5 days or so were very tough but then after the fifth day or so I was able to go on long walks and even jog along the beach. I used to love to swim in the ocean with my bald head. It felt extremely refreshing and healing. See something started to change in myself, I was truly enjoying the moment, feeling the sensations of the water without caring about my baldness.
All of us have very busy lives, its normal, we have our children, our jobs, social media takes so much time from us, and we forget to stay mindful. See I remember before I got diagnosed I would go to bed exhausted after a busy day and not remember anything. But something beautiful happened when I was going through my treatment. I found myself enjoying the moment. Feeling that water in the cold pacific ocean, watching my little Oliver play on the beach, feeling the breeze on my skin, watching beautiful sunsets while listening to the sounds of the ocean. Then at night I would remember all these feelings and I started to learn why I was going through this process. It was a wake up call on how I was living my life.
Lesson #4: Stay mindful
I had 4 strong chemotherapies which were supposed to be 12 lighter ones but because my doctor knew I wanted to come back as soon as possible she scheduled one chemotherapy every two weeks. She was really surprised at the fact that I was able to exercise as I did. She told me: your body is really strong, having a healthy lifestyle prior to a cancer diagnosis is vital for your body. She said I have other patients with your same age and similar diagnosis with the difference of an unhealthy lifestyle and they are not doing as well as you.
Lesson #5: Prepare yourself for a Zombie attack
Although my body was strong, by the fourth chemotherapy I felt extremely ill, I remember telling my mom that if I had to do one more chemotherapy I would rather die. This is how bad I felt. I felt pain, anxiety, nausea, insomnia and aches in my body. During this time my friend Shaima who is no longer with us, called me from Germany. This girl had cancer all over her bones and a large part of her brain. She told me to stay strong but to also release my pain by crying and not judging myself, she said right now is time to re evaluate how are you living your life. Accept yourself now, its ok to be weak and let others help you. I miss Shaima so much, I mean this girl had stage IIII invasive cancer all over her body and she was taking the time to call me and cheer me up when she herself was in so much pain.
This is when I started making changes in my life, I followed her advice and by the fifth day I woke up one morning and decided to create a video to create awareness for women all over the world and get the word out there. I also started a blog before this video and started to receive messages of encouragement. All I wanted to do was give information and encouragement to those in need and this is when my real healing began.
Lesson #6: Help Each Other
Second thing I had to do was test myself for the BRCA gene and guess what? I was positive for BRCA2. Which meant I now should have a bilateral mastectomy because I had a ninety percent chance of getting breast cancer again as well as removing my ovaries and fallopian tubes because I had a 20 percent chance of getting ovarian cancer. These were devastating news for me, so not only did I had breast cancer but I also have the gene. Seriously?! This is when I decided I needed to learn more about my decease and really get serious and make the changes that Shaima was talking about. I also started reading a lot about how could I heal myself not only with food or medicine but also within my soul.
How could I listen to my body better and give it what it needs. I learned that we have millions of cells traveling in our bodies and all this tiny cells are always listening to our thoughts, so I started reading, finding subjects that fed my soul. One time I came across an article by Adam Robinson, and his words made so much sense to my life. He said “do everything with enthusiasm absolutely everything in your life” He also said “expect magic from every encounter and you will get magic” I remember observing my little Oliver on the beach, everything he found a shell a stone was magical for him. Every time a little kid came to play with him he was so enthusiastic and I thought to myself wow, how different it would be if I decide to live my life differently. When we live expecting magic from every encounter or are enthusiastic about everything we do our body feels this butterflies inside of us and our cells dance together and in rhythm and we stay happier and healthier.
Lesson #7 expect magic from every encounter and you will find magic. Do everything with enthusiasm absolutely everything you do.
They scheduled my mastectomy four weeks after my last chemotherapy. To not go into too many details this operation was extremely painful. Mastectomies are not a boob job but a mutilation because they remove your entire breast.
During the mastectomy they removed 18 lymph nodes from under my arm on my left side. one of those lypm nodes showed traces of cancer still after my chemotherapy. This meant that now I needed radiation therapy for 25 straight days. It seemed that it was a never ending story, I thought to myself what is next, why me? During this time I was very lucky to have met Clarissa a breast cancer survivor from Mexico who inspired me so much. She helped me overcome my fears and she was a fitness addict as well. She was a Stage III breast cancer survivor who did an Iron Man while she was going through radiation therapy. She assured me that radiation was the easiest part of breast cancer treatment. She was there for me every single minute of my process and guided me like an angel. At the same time I met another cancer patient her name was Marisa. Marisa was a stage I breast cancer but she was not as lucky as me and Clarissa. She left us 2 years ago and She was a beautiful 32 year old woman with two young kids. She is in heaven now looking over us and she did the fight but was unlucky. I had a community of breast cancer survivors and I learned that when you have a community you help each other and empower one another.
Lesson #8 be thank full even in adversity
And this brings me to why I am here. I feel that I by surviving breast cancer I have been able to take on a mission to create awareness. I gave a talk a year ago and shared my story which was very beautiful and healing for me and I was
able to deliver the message about keeping healthy habits to have a strong body and to be ready for any zombie attack that we may encounter. But I also did this talk as I am doing it today because of you. Because according to statistics one in every eight of the women standing in this room today will have a diagnosis like the one I had, throughout their life time and this is why I am standing up here to tell you my story and to tell you what I have learned.
After I gave my talk last year, one of the ladies that was in the room came to me and said: thank you. Your talk has inspired me to make sure I check myself every day and because of your story I will go schedule my mammogram and ultrasound.
Suddenly my story inspired somebody else. One of my dreams is to find more inspiring survival stories and to make them available to those who need it more. Money does not buy everything, I mean fair enough it will find you the best treatment. But what if we can give something like an inspirational story so an individual that is going through cancer can keep a more positive outlook and not loose faith.
So what is a good story? Do you have to do an Iron man?, no, I don't believe that life is a race. What is it that makes a good story then? Do you have to survive? Does it mean that if you die you are a weak person. NO!!!
According to statistics, i should have pain in my joints at all times, my left arm should be very weak and because of the total of 20 lymph node dissection I should use a compression sleeve at all times to prevent lymphedema and if this is not enough, my life should be very hard right now because of all the changes my body went through and because of the medicine I am currently taking.
But today I am standing here, feeling a bright positive light inside of me, feeling passion for everything I do and I have no traces of cancer inside of me. Does this mean that I am healed? does this mean that I will survive? Well, I hope so, in the meantime I will choose very wisely how I spend my time and I will stay mindful of life’s precious moments so when I go to sleep every night I remember the beautiful ordinary moments of my day.
Two years and a half ago I was devastated and thought my life was over. Today, I am standing here and I know that I was wrong, because today I live very consciously the life I want to live. What I have learned is that it is much more important how I live my life, than how long I am going to live. This is what I learned from having breast cancer.
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